You’re Dating A Narcissist balances sharp humor and raw heart, capturing the messy, protective, and deeply relatable bond of motherhood.
There is some truth to that internal “spidey-sense” that tingles the moment someone enters your child’s life who doesn’t quite feel right. As a mother of two amazing daughters, I’ve felt that flicker of protection more than once. So, when I sat down to watch You’re Dating A Narcissist, I couldn’t help but immediately be a sympathetic ally to the protagonist – even when she goes way too far.
The film follows Judy (Marisa Tomei), a psychology professor with a specialized knack for sniffing out narcissists. She flies across the country to dismantle her daughter Eva’s (Ciara Bravo) engagement to Theo (Marco Pigossi) after discovering many red flags. This could have easily been your standard, trope-heavy monster-in-law story, however, the writing is so incredibly smart that it shies away from the predictable, instead delivering something that feels entirely unique. It’s a bold premise executed with a level of wit that caught me off guard.
The protagonist’s name is Judy. Judy happens to be my own mother’s name, and because we share such a close bond, the friction between Marisa Tomei’s Judy and her daughter Eva hit me harder than I anticipated. The friction between them is realistic and warranted. It doesn’t feel like movie drama, but rather the messy, complicated byproduct of two people who love each other too much to be objective.
Marisa Tomei delivers an incredible performance in You’re Dating A Narcissist. In the hands of a different actress or a less-skilled writer, Judy could have easily become overbearing or even annoying. Instead, Tomei balances the character’s intellectual intensity with a vulnerability that makes her deeply lovable. You see a woman who isn’t trying to be right for the sake of being right, but a mother who is desperately trying to protect her baby from a pain she sees coming a mile away and has experienced herself.
While the mother-daughter bond is the heart of the film, the inclusion of Judy’s best friend, Diane (played by the fantastic Sherry Cola) takes things to the next level, and adds relatability for more viewers. You’re Dating A Narcissist does something wonderful by giving these three women – Judy, Eva, and Diane – complete, individual arcs. They are all at vastly different stages of life, yet they are all grappling with the universal themes of love, heartbreak, and the terrifying realization that we might not know the people we love as well as we think we do.
Sherry Cola is usually my go-to for comedic relief, and she certainly delivers the laughs here, but she also has a standout scene that hit me right in the feels. Seeing her range was one of the highlights of the film for me. I love that we get to see a queer, Asian woman on screen with a complete story arc. She is not just here to be a sidekick; she is a truly pivotal piece of the puzzle.
Then, of course, there is Theo. He is the perfect foil for Judy’s suspicions. As an audience member, you are immediately forced into a state of confusion: Is he a fraud? Is he just charming? Or am I being as cynical as Judy?
As a mother, I completely understood Judy’s refusal to trust him. But as someone who has been head-over-heels in love, I also understood Eva’s desire to ignore the red flags. That tug-of-war is where the film finds its brilliance. It captures that specific human tendency to see what we want to see, versus the parental instinct to see what is actually there.
I am not afraid to admit that I was wiping away tears by the end. You’re Dating A Narcissist is a rare rom-com that treats its characters with respect rather than just using them as vehicles for jokes. It is hilarious, yes, but its heart is what stays with you.
It’s a beautiful tribute to the lengths a mother will go to for her children and a reminder that sometimes, the most important love story in a woman’s life is the one she has with her family and her friends.
About You’re Dating A Narcissist
A psychology professor who has a knack for spotting narcissists flies across the country to prove that the man her daughter is marrying is a fraud.
You’re Dating A Narcissist will be released in theaters on March 27.
